Caught Myself
by Manda Melle
Summary: Alli Sterling is a young talent agent in LA who has lost faith in love, but someone unexpected - Robert Pattinson - comes into her life and is determinded to make her believe again.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A little introduction - I wasn't sure about posting this story here because it isn't about Twilight at all really, but I've seen other non-Twilight stories about Rob here so why not...This is the first time I've ever shared a story I've written publicly. This, like most of the stories I come up with, was inspired by a dream I had. And the song I Caught Myself by Paramore also provided a great deal of inspiration for this story so that's why I named it Caught Myself. Enjoy.**

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I've lived in LA all my life and my father is_ 'in the biz'_ so it comes as a shock to people when I tell them I have no interest in being an actress or a model or a director or any of that shit. No, I don't have a head shot and no, I don't have a screenplay for you to read. Yes, I'm aware you've heard of my father, so has everyone else on the planet. That probably makes me sound a little bitter. I'm not... not anymore anyway.

I've gone through a wide range of emotions when it comes to being a Sterling. Of course as a child I didn't really know what it meant. It wasn't until I was 11 years old that I realized the people in movies and magazines didn't go over to everyone's house for dinner like they did mine. Even in LA, not everyone lived like that. In my teens I learned to use my name to my advantage. By 16 I could get into any club and have anything I wanted with 5 simple words: '_My daddy is Steve Sterling.' _I had some crazy times, got into a lot of trouble too. By the time I was 18 Daddy Sterling was tired of footing the bill for my mistakes. He threatened to cut me off, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction so I beat him to the chase and cut myself off.

I moved to Vegas, of all places, to get my life together. I went by Alli Smith there. Original, right? I just wanted to prove I didn't need my dad's name to get the things I wanted out of life. And I did that, but it only took a couple of years for me to realize what I actually wanted was my old life, well parts of it. No one was more shocked by that revelation than me. I had always hated pretty much everything about the whole Hollywood scene. The greed, the corruption, everyone thinking they're better than everyone else...kind of like politics only with more plastic surgery. But something was drawing me back to that life, for reasons I didn't really know, but I went with it. I packed up my newly acquired best friend, Eden, and we headed to LA.

I was a little surprised that my dad welcomed me back with open arms. We had barely even spoke during my 2 years in Vegas, but he was thrilled to have me home. Understanding even. Like he knew I had some things to prove to myself before I would take the path he wanted. That path was being his protege and eventually taking over the family business...a talent agency, Sterling Entertainment. So I let daddy take me under his wing and now, at 24, I'm the 2nd best talent agent on the west coast. Only the old man can do it better.

I still despise the scene and take part in it only when my job forces me to...or when Eden drags me into if for **her** job. Eden is the only person I've ever heard of that studied journalism extensively and yet actually wants to work for the gossip rags. It's her passion I guess. Her passion lands us both far too close to the very reason I hate the scene far too often. Tonight would be one of those occasions. Eden had gotten word that a very in demand actor who was in town shooting a movie had plans to go out tonight. That meant Eden had plans to go out, track him down and hopefully catch him doing something scandalous. Why these plans had to involve me I don't know. At least Eden had given me a little warning this time. She usually didn't because she knew I'd likely throw myself in front of a bus just to get out of it. Actually that idea sounded pretty damn tempting... too late though. I was already all dolled up, a rarity for me even though I do enjoy showing off my non-Hollywood look. Short, pale, brunette with natural breasts. Pretty much the opposite of everyone else in LA. I have the thin thing going for me, but that's about it. Might as well make the most of the evening.

I met up with Eden at her new apartment. She had lived with me for her first 2 years in LA, but just last month she landed a big job and felt it was time to spread her wings a little. It was bittersweet for me. Having her slightly farther away meant she'd drag me out less often, but her company was greatly missed on my lonely evenings at home. She bounded to the door to greet me, her mess of curly red hair bouncing wildly around her, and engulfed me in an excited hug. Then we were off.

There was always a method to Eden's madness. I'll give her that, she had this celebrity chasing down to a science. She would study the desired target for the evening, find out their interests and likes and dislikes, and then compile a list of hot spots that pertained to those things. We'd start at the hottest spot 1st, where the always wanting to be seen famous person was most likely to be, and then work our way down the list. Tonight's target, for example, wasn't only an actor, but a _'musician'_ too so Eden picked the clubs and bars where there might be live music to suit his taste and that's where we went.

I was pleasantly surprised when it looked like his tastes might be close enough to my own that I wouldn't dread every single place we walked into. The 1st place we went to had a pretty kick ass live band that I could have really enjoyed, but the target was nowhere to be seen so Eden insisted we move on. The 2nd place was even better. A little more off the radar than the typical celeb hang out. I only saw a few faces I recognized... and luckily one of those faces belonged to the target so I was about to stay and enjoy this band. Slightly mellower than the first, but still good none the less.

Eden had a rule about us both keeping a distance from her targets, not that I ever had any desire to speak to any of them. Taking her rule into account, I always opted to sit at the bar. The targets either have private tables or were dancing on tables or fucking strangers in the bathroom or something. I was always safe at the bar... until tonight. The target took a seat across the bar after Eden and I had already settled in so we didn't bother moving, just played it cool. At least Eden would have a front row seat if a story happened to break.

The target really had no business being back at the bar, it looked like he'd had more than enough to drink already. His cheeks were glowing red, his bronze hair was a disheveled mess and his eyes were so heavy he could barely keep them open. To Eden's disappointment he was alone, but she was hopeful that he'd notice the group of blonde bimbos drooling over him and do something note worthy about it. As the minutes ticked by the drooling blondes got braver. One by one they would approach him and he would turn them each away as kindly as possible. He just wasn't taking the bait.

After an hour of the revolving door o' blondes Eden was discouraged and just about to call it a night, but then suddenly her face lit up and I knew the target had finally noticed someone. But there was also a hint of shock to her face and that wasn't something I saw often. Was he deciding to take **all **the blondes who were still hanging around? Was it a **dude **that finally caught his eye? I turned quickly in my seat just in time to see him start walking my way. It wasn't a gaggle of blondes or a dude, it was me. The target was locked on me.


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe walking wasn't the best way to describe what he was doing, more like staggering. I couldn't help, but laugh at him. I considered running away to avoid breaking Eden's rule and save the target the embarrassment, but Eden stayed frozen in her seat so I did too. I'd bet she was actually enjoying this. When he finally reached me he rested one arm on the bar, looking very thankful that he'd successfully made it over. He gave me a drunken smile and began trying to introduce himself. His stammering was comical, maybe even endearing in that British accent, but I interrupted him.

"I know who you are. You're Robert Pattinson. I live in LA honey, it's kind of the opposite of under a rock."

Maybe introducing himself properly made him feel more normal, but I was certain everyone knew how he was. He'd been in 3 hugely successful movies, as part of the Twilight series, and was in town filming the 4th and final movie. Millions of teenage girls, hell even women of all ages, were in love with him. It's safe to say I was aware of who he was.

"Oh..." he replied, slightly stunned by my interjection. "You can call me Rob though."

"What makes you so sure I'm going to call you anything?"

"Feisty. I like that."

"You shouldn't, it won't benefit you. You should save us both the time and just take your pick from the blondes and go home. It'll be a much easier catch for you."

"Haven't you heard? Edward prefers brunettes...and I agree."

I started laughing so hard I could barely speak as I hoped that was the reaction he was going for.

"Oh please tell me that line has never worked," I asked very seriously.

"Never used it before actually."

"Well I'd advise you don't ever, ever again!"

Most guys would have walked away with their tail between their legs at this point, but he stayed and kept trying. He must have been too drunk for his pride to be hurt. That made it that much easier for me to give him a hard time, never failing to laugh **at** him or his useless attempts at picking me up. I let it go on for nearly an hour before it just became too cruel and I had to leave.

"Wait!" he snapped as I stood up. "Aren't you at least going to give me your number after all of this abuse?"

I thought about it for a second, deciding he'd probably never remember even speaking to me so I gave him a card with my info.

Eden burst into laughter as soon as we were out the door. "You, the professional actor rejector, spending the night getting hit on by the one who just wouldn't give up. It's too perfect." she said while laughing so hard she was doubling over.

"Oh yes, it was just wonderful...you know I forbid you to write anything about this, right?"

Her face sank when she realized just how serious I was. It wasn't fair to poor drunk Rob and I didn't want my name anywhere near the tabloids. Eden knew the 2nd reason well so that was the one I stuck with.

She razzed me about it a bit more on the way back to her place. Couldn't blame her there, it had been a strange unexpected situation. I had dated a few actors before, but that was way back in my pre-Vegas days. I'd learned my lesson since then. Now it was widely known that if you were an actor who tried to hit on me you were going to walk away with a very bruised ego. Most of the cocky bastards wouldn't even risk it. Apparently one Robert Pattinson had missed that memo, that or he just liked having his ego slapped a round a bit. I was certain I wouldn't be hearing from him. He'd already gotten his beating from me, what more could he want?

You could imagine my surprise the following day when my assistance burst through my door giddy with excitement about being on Line 1. No doubt she assumed it was business related...I hoped it was myself. He had called my office after all. Maybe that was the angle he had been getting at...

"Hello , what can I do for you?" I answered in a much nicer tone than I had used with him the previous night.

"Alli fucking Sterling! Why didn't you tell me your last name last night? I have no idea you were...you!"

"Aww, you're starstruck," I said sarcastically, "I'm sure that's very new for you and all, but I'm at work so if this call isn't of a business nature I'm going to have to let you go, ."

I hung up before he had a chance to say anything else. I was still smiling smugly at the phone when my cell rang. He really wouldn't give up!

"Hello." I answered just as cheerfully as before.

"Hello, I just spoke to and was wondering if maybe I could speak with instead?" He chuckled ligthly as if he was actually amused by all the crap I was giving him.

I had to admit his little joke was funny, but I held back my laugh. "Sure, what can I do for you, Rob?"

"You can let me take you out, you know to make up for me being a drunk dope last night."

"Not necessary, you were an entertaining drunk dope. Besides, I don't date actors so I'll have to pass."

"You should know I'm not going to give up. I'll keep you on the phone all day until you cave." I could practically hear the smirk in his voice, which was now velvety and smooth, a starch contrast from the night before.

"Well if you enjoy wasting your time then go right ahead."

"Come on, don't make me stalk you. Just one dinner?"

Suddenly I had a plan..."Actually, you know what... I'm hosting a networking party this Saturday, if you show up I just might be kind enough to give you the time of day."

"It's a date!" He shouted much too enthusiastically.

"No no, not a date, just you coming to a function I'm hosting and I may or may not talk to you there."

"I'll settle for that. See you there!" he said with a click of the phone.

He'd settle for that? What kind of guy, let alone an actor, would settle for that? He could easily have pretty much anyone but me. Why did this guy like the abuse? I had to use my connections... I called Eden and asked for all the dirt she had dug up on him, not his favorite color or what he liked on his pizza, the **real** dirt.

"Um well..." she had to pause to compose herself and get over the sheer shock of my interest. "There isn't mush to tell honestly. He likes to go out and drink a little too much, obviously, but that's the worst of it. He's nice to his fans, never rude or arrogant. He doesn't go home with random girls. He's barely even dated anyone since got super famous, only had a couple serious girlfriends before then...He actually seems like a decent guy. Maybe you should give him a shot, Alli."

"No, he's probably just really good at hiding what an asshole he is. He couldn't get all those female fans on their knees for him if they knew what a jerk he was. Plus, it already looks like he has stalker tendencies."

"You'll never know unless you give him a chance." she replied sounding hopeful.

Some best friend, siding with the asshole actor! 2 years in LA clearly hadn't been enough time for her to learn they're **all** the same. I knew better.


	3. Chapter 3

The next 2 days went by with no stalking incidents, which was nice because I had plenty of other things to think about. I hated planning these industry functions, but it was a part of the job I couldn't avoid. My dad supplied the venue and the budget, I was stuck with the rest. By Saturday my nerves were shot and the worst was yet to come. I'd likely spend the whole evening being chatted up by every up and comer within a 50 mile radius, each wanting me to get them their big break, but in the end I'd only be able to sign a handful of them. So it seemed like a lot of work for very little results to me, but it's the way my dad had been doing things for 20 years so it must be working.

I arrived at the venue early, very pleased at how well thinks were falling into place. It was an outdoor, very open and breezy place. Had a country club feel to it, but not too stuffy. Just the right amount of lighting. It looked lovely really. The great setting made things more tolerable. I was able to dress more casually than I normal would have for such a function. Opting for a flowing cream color dress over my usual dark pant suit. I wore my hair down and loosely curled instead of in a tight up-do. It made me look softer, less intimidating. Not sure if I liked that, but it did make me easier to talk to and I didn't want to scary away the new clients.

I had almost forgotten about Rob coming until I spotted him. He wore a suit, but no tie, the perfect mix of class and chill. His hair was just as messy as always, that made me smile a little. He always seemed so at ease. He comfortably mingled with the crowd, just hanging back while I was working. I could feel him watching me no matter where I moved. It should have felt a little creepy, but it didn't. I felt...admired.

When I was finally done with the networking part of my evening I decided I would give him the time of day, he had waited patiently enough. By then he was sitting at a table alone, looking depressed and having a drink.

"Hey, you can't make up for being a drunk dope by getting drunk again." I said as I took the seat across from him, trying to get him to crack a smile.

He lifted his head slowly and as his eyes met mine they lit up. "I didn't think you were going to talk to me."

"Well I am, just had to make you earn it first."

"You know, it's been it's a long time, years maybe, since someone has humbled me the way you have."

"Yeah, it was painfully obvious you were overdue for a nice big slice of humble pie. I'm just trying to help. Does it frustrate you that you aren't getting your way?" I antagonized.

"That I'm not getting my way? No. That you're incredibly stubborn? Yes, very much so, but a good challenge never hurt anyone."

"I am not a challenge! I am not some prize to be won or some goal to be checked off your list."

"I didn't mean it like that," he apologized. "I'm not doing this for the thrill of the chase or another notch on my belt."

"Then why are you doing this? Do you get off on rejection or something?"

"Not so much." He laughed. "I just want to get to know you. You intrigue me, is that so terrible?"

Maybe it wasn't so terrible, maybe. I still didn't understand his angle and I assumed he was putting on an act, but I gave a little. I'd let him get to know me, just a tiny bit, surely that would scare him away...not quickly enough though. We talked for hours, about the most random things. All the silly things I hadn't wanted Eden to fill me in on were the things he wanted to know about me, little uninteresting me. He acted like I was saying the most fascinating things he'd ever heard. His piercing blue eyes stayed locked on mine the entire time I spoke. I could tell he was nervous and uneasy, but still he never looked away. It was like he was trying to suck me into a trance. And it might have worked if I had kept talking so I had to excuse myself, work to do and all that.

I saw him leave shortly after I left the table. He looked sad and discouraged. I felt bad for crushing him, but someone had to. No one should have whatever they want handed to them, not even actors.


	4. Chapter 4

The following week was a busy one for me, I must have booked a hundred auditions for my new talents. That meant my party had been a success, despite the distraction I had there. I relished in the work, it kept me too busy to be drug out by Eden and too busy to be lonely staying in at night. When days went by without hearing from Rob I just assumed he'd had enough of my abuse and found himself an easier catch. Again, he proved me wrong. That was getting a little annoying.

It was a Friday afternoon when he showed up at my office unannounced, wouldn't even let my assistant show him into my office, had to make his own entrance. A feat like that would have gotten most people escorted from the building.

"Ah, , interrupting my work yet again I see." I was less than amused.

"I'm not filming today so we're going to lunch." He beamed.

"Is that so?"

"It is. I'm not taking no for an answer, we both know this and we also know you won't have me kicked out so let's just go." He appeared to be reading my mind as he smiled the most adorable crooked smile.

Who could say no to that smile? I tried, but I was no match for it. I did insist that we go somewhere very unknown as to not be seen together which wasn't a problem for Rob. He hated the fan fare, or at least he claimed to. To the few people who did see us I'm sure we looked like the most mismatched two people there ever were. I in a nicely pressed suit sporting a sleek ponytail, he in a wrinkled t-shirt, dirty jeans, beat up sneakers and his messy hair in desperate need of washing. It probably looked like I was treating a homeless guy to a meal. Rob didn't seem to mind the contrast or the looks it attracted. He didn't even seem to notice really. His eyes were locked on me as he resumed our conversation from a week ago as if it had never ended.

"So my co-worker, Kellan, says he knows you?" he asked coyly.

He was after the **real** dirt now! Better give him something...

"Yes, I know him well actually." I hooked him in.

"How well are we talking here?" he raised an eyebrow at me, concern washing over his face.

"Not as well as you appear to think," I laughed. "My dad represented him before Twilight. He was over at our house a lot, we hung out a bit and he's an awesome guy. The end. Nothing to get all worked up about...not that it's your place to be worked up about anything involving me."

"I should have known he spoke too kindly of you to be someone you had dated." He smiled, relieved.

"He's not my type...you know, actor!"

"I'm going to show you that we're not all assholes. I don't know who jaded you into believing that, and I probably don't want to know, but I'm going to lift your prejustice. I promise you that."

It's a good thing he didn't want to know how I'd become so jaded, I never would have told him. I never told anyone. It was too embarrassing, made me feel so stupid. Every guy I had ever dated was a pompous ass so when I finally found one who wasn't I thought I'd hit the jackpot. But it all turned out to be an act. He wasn't caring or loyal, he was just out to further his career. He didn't love me, he just wanted my dad to sign him. That was when I decided I'd never let anyone use me again. Not to get ahead, not as a plaything, not as a prize to be won...never again. It made me skeptical and paranoid, but it was worth avoiding the hurt. I'd rather be alone than be used.

Maybe if I told Rob all of that he would have understood why I couldn't be interested in him, but I wasn't anywhere near ready to be that open. Maybe we could be friends at least. I wouldn't have to hurt him and he couldn't hurt me. It sounded like a plan. I made it clear to him that we couldn't date or even appear to be dating to avoid the tabloid speculations that neither of us wanted. He agreed, but he also refused to give up on me. That part made me feel a little guilty for occupying his time and thus wasting it, but I did enjoy his company. He was sweet and funny and charming, he made it very easy to want to be around him. He was usually busy filming, but when he wasn't he would appear announced, always unannounced, to take me out. Always to a new, unknown place. I didn't know how he was finding all of this places. It was like getting to know LA in a whole new way for me and it did teach me one thing about Rob, he wasn't into being seen. He really was one of the few actors who didn't want his face plastered on every magazine cover.

I enjoyed his company and he seemed to enjoy mine. I'm not sure why, I still gave him a hard time every chance I got. He liked it though. He liked that I didn't just fall to his feet like other women. He wasn't into me because I was a challenge, he was just looking for something outside the norm, just like I was.


	5. Chapter 5

Knowing we were estentially looking for the same things eased my mind and my nerves slightly, but it didn't help my wall come down much. It was weeks before I even let him come to my house. Inviting him into my personal space like that made me feel too vulnerable. I was running out of options though. Rob was shacked up in a hotel room, that was clearly out of the question. It would send all kinds of the wrong messages. And we had already been out to all the off the map places we could find. So it was either be seen together in public or let him in my personal space. Both seemed like certain death to me so I let him decided, he wanted to cook dinner for me...at my place.

I had to work late the night of our in-home dinner un-date so I gave Rob the key code to get in. I was clearly losing my mind and being way too open. Not only was I letting him in, but in alone, where he could find out things about me without me even being there. This was going to end badly, I just knew it. It felt so strange going home to an occupied house, especially one occupied by him. I panicked on my way home realizing it would be the first time Rob and I would actually be alone together. Brief encounters in my office excluded, we'd been in bars, restaurants, parties, all public places with other people present. I considered not going home. He could just have the damn house. I could afford to buy new things. No, that was too extreme. Overreact much? It was just dinner in my house, I could handle that. No big deal I chanted to myself. I took a few deep calming breaths.

My fears were relieved when I entered my wonderful smelling kitchen and was greeted by Rob's warm smile...and wacky sense of humor. He was wearing a frilly pink apron over his regular jeans and t-shirt. No doubt for my amusement rather than practicality. He must have bought it just for the occasion because I knew I didn't own one. I'm not even sure my kitchen had ever seen a home cooked meal. I was a terrible cook, otherwise I would have offered to make the dinner, but I assumed we'd both prefer something edible.

I don't know where Rob learned to cook, but his skills far surpassed mine. Everything was delicious. I could see he was going for a little romance without trying to be blunt about it. It wasn't a candle lit dinner or anything, but it was private and intimate. He'd even bought me flowers, which he had been instructed not to since this wasn't a date. He should have been used to the non-date rules by now, but maybe he was just tried of playing by them.

We cleaned up the kitchen together when we were done eating. Afterward I was prepared to sit on the couch and make forced and awkward conversation, but on the way to the living room Rob noticed my piano.

"You play?" he asked excitedly, slowly running his fingers across the keys.

"I did when I was younger, but it's pretty much just for decoration now."

"Mind if I play something for you?" he questioned even though he was always sitting on the bench, not waiting for my answer.

"Uh I'm not even sure it's tuned, but you can try I guess."

He motioned for me to sit next to him on the bench so I did. He began to play and I was surprised at how good he was. God, was he good at everything? If his eyes couldn't put me into a trance his music certainly could. Before I knew it my head was resting on his shoulder as he played. The music had lulled me closer to him than ever. He played an entire song, maybe even two. I couldn't be sure, my head was so clouded. When the music stopped I couldn't find the strength to lift my head off of him. He did it for me, placing my face inside his warm hands and holding my face just inches from his own, starring into my eyes.

"I wrote that song for you, you know." he whispered softly. "All those beautiful melodies? That's how you make me feel every single time I think about you."

I could feel myself blushing intensely. I suddenly got lightheaded and my heart started racing. It was too much. I wanted to slide away from him, as far as I could, but he still held my face in his hands. And then my heartbeat rapidly increased again. Was I having a heart attack? No, that wasn't it...he was kissing me! He moved one arm down to wrap around my waist, drawing me even closer to him. His other hand ran through my hair. He started by placing a small tender kiss on each of my cheeks before moving to my lips, like he was testing the water and I let him push on. His warm lips felt like they were sending a surging fire through my whole body. My initial reaction was to pull away, but I couldn't, the attraction was too strong, and the more we kissed the less I cared about pulling away. Until I remembered I needed air to breathe. I slid back a little and my first breath came out as a gasp.

"I'm sorry," Rob said, jumping to his feet. "That was too fast. Here I am supposedly proving to you how different I am from all the jerks out there and now I'm pushing you. I'm so sorry. Very sorry. I'll leave now if you want."

My brain was doing overtime trying to process everything that had just happened. He must have taken my silence as a sign to leave because he was headed to the door when I had finally collected my thoughts.

"No!" I screeched. "I want you to stay."

And I really did. I wanted him there, I wanted him with me. I wasn't sure what that meant for us or what the consequences would be, but I'd never wanted anything more...even if I couldn't admit it yet.


	6. Chapter 6

He hesitated at the door, like maybe I was setting him up for a snarky comment or something. It was a fair assumption, but I wasn't and he knew that as soon as our eyes connected. His eyes were harder to read. I saw a hint of remorse, but also relief and so many other things. I assumed his mind was racing just as much as mine was.

I moved to the couch and sat with my knees pulled to my chest. He followed without persuasion, sitting next to me and placing an arm around me to pull me closer. He slowly and cautiously pulled me into him, as if he were expecting me to flinch away. I didn't nor did I want to. I wanted his comfort.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. That's the opposite of what I want." he whispered into my hair.

"That's what you thought my reaction was? Discomfort?" I was a bit baffled. "I was just a little shocked."

"Well that doesn't exactly sound too good either, not the reaction I was going for." He laughed nervously.

"What did you expect? You did kind of take me by surprise."

"Sorry, but I just couldn't hold back anymore" He said shamefully like his resolve had crumbled beneath him.

And with that I realized I didn't want to hold back anymore either. I looked up into his cool blue eyes for a split second and then I pressed my lips to his with urgency. Much more powerful than our first kiss. Less shock, but still just as much fire flowing through me. His lips parted slightly and I took the opportunity to push my tongue through, pressing it against his. He moaned breathlessly into my mouth.

That put the brakes on. I was ready to move forward with him, but still not too far. I could see nothing but longing in Rob's eyes as I pulled away from him. It broke my heart that I couldn't give him everything he wanted, what he needed and deserved. I knew then that I at least owned him an explanation. He was being so understanding and patient with me while having no idea why I was putting him through his hell. I couldn't give him all he wanted, but I could give him at least that.

So I laid my head in his lap and told him everything as he gently stroked my hair. I told him all the things I had never shared with anyone else. Now he would know why I was so jaded and cold. Now he could let go of any hope of reforming me. Now he would see that I was unlovable and unable to love him. He'd have no choice but to let me go and find someone who was capable of love. He deserved that. I was surprised when the thought of him finding love elsewhere saddened me, but it would be better for everyone. Surely he would see that.

When I was finished speaking I had tears running down my face, partly from the bad memories, but also from the realization that this was my step to free Rob. Free him of wasting anymore of his time on me, the unlovable ice queen. He ran a long slender finger under each of my eyes to remove the tears and then pulled me back to an upright position. He put both of his strong arms around me and pulled me tightly to his chest. Wiping the tears away had been futile because I was now practically sobbing into him, fearing this was our last embrace, so soon after our first. But he didn't loosen his grip on me, instead he pulled me tighter with each sob until I was done and couldn't cry anymore.

Even when I was done he didn't leave. He stayed to talk, only mostly about himself which was something we hadn't gone over before. I had opened up to him so he was doing the same for me. He told me about every bit of craziness that had consumed his life in the past few years, focusing on how hard it was to meet women that weren't obsessive and crazy. That's where I came in, the only person he'd met since then who didn't care about his status at all. Wasn't impressed with it in the least. For every reason I had given him that I was all wrong for him he was able to return with a reason explaining why I was perfect.

We talked and continued the debate all night, until the sun began to rise. Poor Rob had to rush to the set with no sleep. I walked him to the door where he placed a soft kiss against my cheek. I threw my arms around his neck, not wanting our night or this moment to end. I could feel the corners of his face lift into a smile against my cheek. He was breaking me, slowly tearing down my walls, and he knew it just as well as I did.


	7. Chapter 7

Thankfully for me he wouldn't have much time left to work on tearing me down. His filming would be over soon and he'd go back to London. Leaving the challenge that was me thousands of miles behind him. My days with him were numbered and while that provoked a bit of dread, I mostly felt relieved. When he was gone I wouldn't have to work do hard to keep my feeling contained. Feelings I just wasn't ready to let out or even ready to have.

It was getting nearly impossible to keep them at bay too. Rob was coming to my place nearly every night where we would sit and hold each other for hours as we talked. It continuously got harder to release him, harder to let him leave each evening, harder to stop at just kissing. I couldn't keep up like that forever, I was already breaking down far too much.

There were some things I still wouldn't cave on, the Breaking Dawn wrap party for example. I still wasn't ready to go public with...whatever it was Rob and I had going on. Maybe the fact that I couldn't even define it had something to do with that. How could I tell others what we were when I didn't even know?

The party fell on Rob's last night in LA leaving him torn, spend his last night here saying farewell to me or the people he had been working with for four movies now. He was prepared to blow them off, but I insisted he go. We both knew he wasn't going to get a proper send off from me so I wanted him to be out having fun instead of moping around with me. He wouldn't agree unless there was a compromise...he would go as long as he was also able to spend the night with me. Like sleeping at my house, in my bed, with me. The thought scared the hell out of me, but I agreed. I'd just have to deal with the ramifications later.

Not later enough sadly. The night of the wrap party approached far too quickly. I could have swore whole weeks passed in just a matter of days. I spent that night sitting at home alone like I hadn't done in so long. It seemed so empty. I tried to patiently wait for him, but pacing around made me feeling like a lovesick teenager. The butterflies in the pit of my stomach didn't help that case either.

I decided I'd lay in bed and read, trying to distract myself. Being in my room just made things worse as it reminded me that he hadn't even seen my room yet and tonight he would be sleeping in it. Again, I got that silly teenage girl feeling. I was too old for that shit, right? I grown woman shouldn't be so nervously excited about having a guy in her room. Maybe it was my extreme version of taking it slow or maybe it had more to do with this guy in particular that caused those feelings.

Somehow I managed to drift off during my panic and was awoken by Rob crawling into bed with me. I jumped, slightly startled by someone's presence in my bed before I remembered it was just Rob. Then I was nothing but calm as I settled into his arms.

"I really missed you tonight." He whispered as he reached over me to turn off the light.

Those were the only words spoken between us that night. There wasn't a need for anything more. I squirmed out of his hold and turned to face him, lightly kissing his jawline and down his neck before I settled my face into his chest. He rubbed my back as we simply laid tonight, both eventually falling asleep at some point.

I fought to keep my eyes closed the next morning. If I never woke up then he'd never have to leave. My plan was blown when I felt him start to move underneath me. I could pretend to sleep all I wanted, but he would still wake up and have to go.

He packed his things quietly, looking forlorn. I tried my best to put on a happy face for both of us. I didn't want him to think his leaving would hurt me. If he knew that there was a good possibility he would stay and that couldn't happen. He needed to go so I could be reminded that I was fine without him, before it was too late for me to turn away from him.

I had decided against taking him to the airport myself. That would be like setting off an emotional bomb. It wasn't worth the risk. Walking him out of my house was bad enough. He locked his arms around my small waist like he never wanted to let go. I blinked away tears before he had the chance to notice them. I stood up on my toes so that my lips could reach his and I gave him the most vigorous kiss I could manage. One that we'd both remember because I suspected it would be our last.


	8. Chapter 8

During the weeks following Rob's departure time ticked by more slowly than ever. Hadn't it just been flying by? What the hell happened? My life returned as back to it's normal pre-Rob state as possible. I got up every morning and drown myself in my work for as long as I could. I loved my job so it was a good distraction, but I was still hoping for surprise calls or visits from him that wouldn't happen. I even started going out with Eden nearly every night. I couldn't just go home to the empty house without him there to talk to.

Poor Eden, I had kept her in the dark about everything. I had to. She a gossip columnist for Christ's sake! I may be her best friend, but I wasn't sure even that bond could keep her from from spilling what had been going on with me. I didn't even want to put her in that position...and I certainly didn't want what Rob and I had to be exposed. It was in the past now anyways. No need to dig up old dirt that would cause problems for us both.

She could see something was going on with me, but knew better than to push when I insisted I was fine. I was trying to be fine. I would be fine. It was just going to take a little bit of time. This tiny amount of hurt was nothing compared to what it would have been if I let things keep going. For that I was thankful.

I made it a point not to call Rob. I wanted him to be discouraged and understand that whatever we'd had was brief and over. It seemed harsh, but again, small pain now was better than great pain later. I never even considered what I would do if he called me...because I didn't think he would. I was giving him the perfect chance to forget about me. He was thousands of miles again, in another country. Nothing was keeping him tied to me, he was free. I hoped he saw that. I hoped some cute little Brit would catch his eye, someone that was capable of loving him. The thought stung a little, but that's what I truly wanted for him.

A day went by and then two...and then a week and another. I was aching inside, but things were going according to plan. Or so I thought. That's when the roses started coming. I would find one single rose on my doorstep every night after work. It was impossible that I had attracted another suitor, they had to be from Rob. I wanted to call him, to tell him to stop, just give up already. That's probably exactly what he wanted though, me to call...Not happening. I'd just ignore them. He'd eventually get the hint.

Another week passed, the flowers didn't slow. And then he called. I wasn't prepared, I hadn't planned for this and I had no clue what to say, but I couldn't just ignore him.

"Hello?" I answered apprehensively.

"You could at least call and thank a guy." He joked. His voice melted me instantly. Suddenly I couldn't remember why I had been trying to avoid him in the first place.

"Oh, yeah...thanks, They're lovely, always, I'm just as bit confused as to why you're bothering..."

"Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you, everyday, and since I can't be there waiting on your doorstep every night to greet you a little reminder of me will have to do."

My eyes got watery. It was quite possibly the sweetest thing I'd ever heard and by far the sweetest ever said to me. It only took a few sentences and I felt like putty in his hands...even though his hands were physically impossibly far away. My plan had crumbled, it had barely been effective when there was no contact at all, but now, hearing his velvety voice again, I knew the plan was destined to fail. It had never really stood a chance. I was falling hard and when I hit the bottom it was gonna hurt, bad. I knew that, but I still couldn't stop myself.


	9. Chapter 9

After that first phone call they became habit, every night without faltering. My days went by much easier, and faster, knowing that call was awaiting me. We would recap our days for each other, just as we used to do sitting in my living room. It was satisfying enough for the time. I was able to crawl into bed relaxed and happy every night.

There was always a piece of me that both worried and hoped the call wouldn't come. If it didn't it meant that Rob was busy doing something...with someone else. It would have hurt me, but I was sure he would be happier. But it never happened. Weeks went on and he continued to call, same time every night, which would have made it quite late over in London. No wonder he wasn't meeting anyone, he was staying in to talk to me. Silly, stupid boy still content on wasting his time.

Eventually the satisfaction of just hearing his voice, lovely as it was, started to wear off. I started to miss the warmth of his arms around me when we talked. Couldn't get that over the phone. And the kisses, oh god the kisses. I began to crave them like a person who hadn't eaten in months would crave food. I tried to push the need back, but I just wasn't strong enough. His voice wasn't enough, I needed to see him, to feel him.

That's when I got the crazy idea to visit him for Christmas. I convinced myself that I was doing it as gift to him. I tried to pretend my own wants and needs had nothing to do with it. I was flying half way around the world to see a guy and I still refused to believe I loved him.

The holiday was still a month away and that short little month was agony. Not only did the days start to go by slower than ever, but keeping the trip a secret was harder than I imagined. And the secret of it was the key. If I could openly say I was going then it would have been admitting to myself that I cared enough to go and I wouldn't do that, I couldn't.

Rob asked about my holiday plans several times so I'd make something up to sound excited about. I hated lying to him, but I couldn't let on to what was really happening. I discretely asked about his plans too and was relieved when he said he didn't really have any. I would have felt like a huge ass flying over there only to find he was gone.

It was a few days before my trip when I remembered I had no clothes suitable for England winters. Time to shop! I made Eden tag along, mainly because I felt bad for blowing her off in favor of phone calls lately, but she also had great fashion sense that would come in handy. I had told her I was going away on business, to snatch up an English actor before the other American agents could get their hands on him, but my clothing choices were tipping her off to something more.

"This trip isn't **all** business, is it?" she questioned, eyeing the pair of low rise jeans I was trying on. "You're...seeing someone, aren't you?"

I hesitated for a moment, but knew I couldn't flat out lie to her. She'd see right threw it anyways. "Well, er, uh..." I started. "Yeah, I'm kind of seeing someone." I hung my head as I admitted the truth, not even wanting to hear it myself.

"Alli!" she squealed. "Why didn't you tell me? Oh my god...it's someone famous, isn't it? An actor? No, it can't be! It is, isn't it? Do I know him?"

Damn, she could read me too well! Her series of questions stunned me and I must have looked like a deer in headlights at that point. I could see her mind churning, trying to gauge how correct her assumptions had been. I had to say something.

"I...um...uh," I was trying to form words, I really was. "Yes, he's an actor. Yes, I know how shocking that is. You don't really know him, but you certainly know of him. And I haven't said anything to anyone because I don't even know how to define what we are." I had to go on, in detail, replaying the past few months and how everything came to be. I conveniently left out Rob's name although I knew she would be quick enough to remember the night we'd met him in the bar. She made fun of me for weeks about that, no way it would slip her mind. If she did remember it she wasn't saying anything.

"Wait," Eden broke my rambling, "So he's completely into you and you're trying to back off...why exactly? Is he a jerk? You're just not that into him? What?"

"No, neither. It's complicated...I actually am into him and that's what worries me. He doesn't seem like a jerk, but I have been wrong about these things before."

"You need to take the chance, Alli. And you're more willing to than you think if you're going this out of your way to see him." She paused and a devilish grin flashed across her face. "Now we need to get you something sexier!"

She was already pulling me towards the lingerie section as I turned bright red.


	10. Chapter 10

I let Eden talk me into buying a few sexy items, even though I had no intention of wearing them. No intention of wearing them and yet I had packed them. Maybe my subconscious had plans it wasn't telling me.

It wasn't until my layover in New York that I started to second guess my decision. I could easily hop on a plane back to LA and forget his whole thing. God, that was tempting. Why hadn't I picked the non-stop flight? This extra time to think was going to be the death of me. I had come this far, might as well keeping going. Push the fear aside and see where it takes me.

I finally arrived in London on Christmas Eve evening, just before dark. After endless hours of travel I must have looked completely haggard, but it didn't even matter at that point. With Rob's address in hand I hailed a cab. This was payback for all the time he'd shown up unannounced on me. Out of nowhere I started to worry about his reaction, something I hadn't really considered before. What if he wasn't happy about the surprise? What if he was with someone? I hadn't talked to him in three days since he was under the impression I was skiing with family. It was entirely possible that he'd met someone in those three days...if he even ventured out which I suspected he didn't.

I held my breath as I stepped out of the cab in front of his apartment. I lugged my two huge bags up to his door, feeling like quite the idiot. I took one last deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Bloody hell." I heard him mutter from inside.

Great, I had already annoyed him. It seemed like an eternity before he opened the door, but the instant he did his eyes lit up, very much like a kid's on Christmas. He rushed me into his arms, forcing me to drop my bags on the steps. I didn't mind. He began to kiss me rough and feverishly, not bothering with sweet tender pecks. These kisses were different from our previous ones, they were rushed and hungry, trying to make up for lost time. The fire they ignited was only intensified by the cold still air around us.

It was minutes before we broke apart, and even then only parting just enough that we were able to speak.

"What are you doing here? This is the last thing I would have expected from you." he gushed excitedly.

"Yeah, I know, but...Merry Christmas!" I locked my arms around his neck.

"It's exactly what I wanted." He smiled and proceed to carry both me and my bags inside and out of the cold.

As soon as the door shut behind us he dropped my bags and gave me another intense kiss before placing my feet on the ground. He kept one arm tightly around my waist, like if he didn't keep me anchored to him I might disappear. I welcomed the closeness, I had been missing it for months and it was almost overwhelming to have it back. I felt a little dizzy actually...jetlag or lust? I wasn't really sure.

He looked a little embarrassed about his place. It was a typical bachelor pad. Dirty clothes on the floor, beer cars littering the coffee table and a stack of empty pizza boxes decorating the kitchen counter. He could afford a maid, why on earth didn't he hire one? Speaking of what he could afford, his apartment was surprisingly small and simple. Living room, kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms, one of which he had turned into an office. The grand tour I was treated to lasted less than a minute.

"I swear I would have cleaned if I knew you coming." he said as he looked down and kicked at the clothes on the floor.

"No, it's kind of nice to see you in your natural habitat, all wild and untamed." I teased, still had to give him a little crap, couldn't let him think I was going all soft on him.

He just shook his head at me. "You've made a long trip to grace me with your presence, let's say I make you something to eat." He flashed his crooked smile as he lead me to the kitchen. I would have followed him anywhere when he smiled at me like that.

I was surprised by his well stocked kitchen, it just didn't fit with the rest of the place. Judging by the amount of pizza boxes I gathered that maybe he just didn't bother to cook for himself. I tided up, against his will, as he cooked. Then we sat together as his little table for two and ate together...Well I practically inhaled my food because he was right, the trip had left me starving, but Rob spent most of the time just watching me.

After dinner we made our way to his couch in his living room where we sat and talked whiling holding each other, just as we had on my couch in my living room months ago. Everything just felt right. We never made it to bed that night, instead falling asleep on the couch in each other's arms. Neither of us wanting to be the first to let go so we just didn't.


	11. Chapter 11

I awoke in the morning to Rob lightly kissing my forehead, his arms still holding me as close to him as possible.

"Merry Christmas, baby." He croaked in his rough, but very sexy, just woke up voice.

"Best. Christmas. Ever." I sighed sleepily into his chest.

"Ha," he laughed. "It hasn't even started yet. Now let's get dressed, you're going to meet my parents."

"Uh... say what now?" It was much too early for him to be throwing something like that at me.

"Well it is Christmas so I should see my family and since you're here that includes you too."

"Um meeting the parents is kind of a big step, don't you think?" There had to be a way to talk myself out of this!

"Alli," he took my face into his hands and stared into my eyes, "you're ready for this. I promise it'll be fine. **We** can do this." He lightly brushed his lips against mine, just enough to make me sigh, and then got up. It was clear the conversation was over. I was going to meet his family...and I was scared as hell.

I'm not sure why I thought it would be possible to spend two weeks in London without meeting them, but the idea hadn't even occurred to me. I hadn't planned for it at all. Maybe that would work in my favor. Maybe they would hate me and then they could convince Rob I'm no good for him. It could happen...but I was becoming less sure that I wanted things to go that way.

Now what the hell was I going to wear? Needed to look hot, but not slutty. Dressy, but not stuffy. I dragged my bags from the spot they'd been dropped in, tossed them on Rob's bed and started my search. The silly lingerie was obviously out of the question for this occasion, I buried it deeply under the rest of my clothes. Jeans and a nice shirt might have worked, but I wanted something a little fancier. I finally settled on a light grey sweater dress. It was a turtleneck and nearly knee length so it was a bit conservative, but it was also a little snug so it showed up what little curves I had. Rob's jaw on the floor when I exited the bathroom was all the reaction I needed.

Of course I was probably looking at him in much the same way. He was breathtaking. He'd gone slightly dressy himself, wearing a blue button down shirt with black dress pants. His hair was brushed neatly for once, but I think I actually preferred it messy. I reached my hands up into his hair and tousled it just a bit. He smiled, not seeming to mind. My god that shirt really brought out his eyes, they were literally sparkling. I couldn't resist, I pulled him close to me and kissed him.

"Don't do this to me." He groaned. "If you start kissing me I'll get all distracted and I'll never want to leave this apartment again."

That was starting to sound like a fine plan to me, but I wasn't selfish enough to keep him from his family.

"Let's do this." I said putting on my brave face for him, but I was still a wreck inside.


	12. Chapter 12

The ride to his parents' house was fairly short, not enough time to go into full panic mode. I did wonder if Rob had told his family about me and what he'd said if he had, but I didn't dare ask. We just rode in silence, his hand resting on my knee in an attempt to soothe me. It normally would have worked, but it just wasn't doing the trick in this situation.

Their house was a cute and cozy little cottage out in the country a bit. Rob and I walked to the door hand in hand. He smiled at me before reaching for the doorknob. I tried to smile back, but my nerves wouldn't let me. I took a deep breath as he lead me through the door and into the room his parents and two older sisters were occupying.

Rob cleared his throat."I'd like you all to meet Alli...my girlfriend." He smiled back towards me.

Wait. What did he just call me? What in the hell was he thinking? His girlfriend? Was I? I didn't have time to put my thoughts into words before his mother had jumped to her feet and captured me in a hug.

"Oh dear, it's so nice to finally meet you. Rob talks about you all the time and it's very easy to see why." She grinned and swept me off to the kitchen. Rob's sisters followed.

They were all very sweet women, treating me like I was one of them right away. I felt very much at home as I helped them prepare Christmas dinner while we chatted...Well I helped as much as my lack of cooking skills would allow, something they were very amused by. I told them all about myself and they offered up enlightening stories about Rob in return. Stories that would be great for picking on him later.

It was nearly two hours before Rob and his father joined us in the kitchen to eat. Rob placed an affection kiss on my cheek as he told his seat next to me at the table. It quickly became clear where Rob had got his cooking skills, his mother was an excellent cook too. I took note that it might be a good idea to get some lessons from her while I was visiting. Couldn't let Rob keep cooking for me all the time, it just didn't seem right.

After dinner everyone gathered in the den to exchange gifts. They apologized profusely for not having anything for me, but I hadn't brought anything for them either so we called it even. We spent the rest of the evening just sitting around and talking, getting to know each other. They were lovely people. Why had I been so nervous about this? Things were wonderful.

As we left Rob's wide smile said it all. He was proud of me for going through with it, taking a step towards being in a real relationship, something I was terrified of. I was pretty damn proud of me too, happy even.

When we got back to the apartment he lead me straight to his office where a small piano sat in the corner.

"I lied," he admitted. "I do have a present for you." He sat on the bench and pulled me down next to him.

I put my head on his shoulder as he began to play and prepared to be put in his trance. Then I recognized the melody...it was my song, the one he had written just for me, only there were lyrics now. He sang:

"Derry down green

Color of my dream

A dream that's daily coming true

And oh when the day it through

I will come to you and take you on

Your many charms

And you'll look at me

With eyes that see

And we'll melt into each others arms

You'll be my queen

And I'll be your king

And I'll be your lover too"

Damn he was good. How could I resist that? How could anyone? I was strong, but I was still only human.

"That was so beautiful." I exclaimed, tears running down my cheeks.

"Just like you." He answered and then kissed away my tears. He pulled me into his lap and cradled me in his arms.

"Okay, now I feel pretty confident in saying this...Best. Christmas. Ever." I grinned up at him.

* * *

**A/N: **The lyrics in this chapter are written by Robert Pattinson himself. He owns them, not me. So now I've stolen his likeness and his lyrics. He's more than welcome to sue me ;)

Sorry the last couple chapters have been kinda short. The next chapter more than makes up for it, I promise!


	13. Chapter 13

The next week by blissfully. Rob and I enjoyed each other's company more than ever. A lot of time we spent at his place just hanging out, but he did convince me to go out with his friends a couple of times.

Going out together publicly was a big step. It wasn't like in LA where hundreds of people were waiting to snap his picture at every turn, but there was still a risk of being run into and found out. If that happened news would travel fast and it would be heard about in the States too. However, Rob seemed more concerned with showing me a good time so I didn't worry much about it either.

He introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend, just like he had with his family. I could have objected the title, but I never did. I never even asked why he was using it or when that had started. To my knowledge we'd never even been on a proper date, yet we were suddenly, to me anyways, boyfriend and girlfriend. It was clear that's how he thought of me though and I was beginning to think of him the same way.

His friends were just as lovely as his family and apparently they'd heard quite a lot about me as well. I felt almost as at ease with him as I did with Rob. Very much at home.

We decided to go out with a group of his buddies for New Year's Eve. I'd always detested going out on that night because people went nuts, but I didn't want to keep Rob in and away from his friends, he did that enough as it was. And I really did enjoy being able to go **out **with him. I was glad we went. It was a small cozy pub, not crazy at all. We drank, but didn't get trashed. We kissed at midnight, a tradition I had taken part in several times before, but never with someone who meant anything. It was a whole new feeling.

Shortly after midnight we began the brief walk back to Rob's place. The few drinks we had in us made the brisk winter air seem not so cold. We took our time, playfully exchanging kisses and grabs as we walked. A perfect night, I didn't think it could get any better.

By the time we reached the apartment we could barely keep our hands off each other. We kicked our shoes off as soon as we were through the door. Threw our coats on the couch as we passed by. We made it to the bedroom and began greedily devouring each other. I unbuttoned his shirt as fast as my fingers would allow and then threw it to the floor. He quickly pulled my sweater over my head and it joined his shirt. I yanked his belt out the belt loops and unfastened his pants. He kicked them off and then went for my jeans, sliding all the way down my body with them.

When he stood again to look at me I silently thanked Eden for insisting on the matching bra and panties. They weren't exactly sexy, just black cotton boy shorts and a matching bra. Rob seemed to approve, but didn't care to spend much time admiring them. He stepped closer to me, unhooked the bra and tossed it aside. He pulled me even closed, crushing our bare chests together. The heat was intense.

We fell gently onto the bed. He began kissing me, starting with me lips and then moving to my neck and my shoulders and my collarbone. He paused and looked up at me before going lower, as if to ask permission. I answered with a smile, unable to find any words. He kissed each breast lightly and then cupped them in his strong hands. I arched into him and a moan escaped his lips. He moved on, trailing kisses over my stomach, on my hip bones and down each leg. His hands began caressing my legs, starting at the ankle and working up to my hip. His hands were shaky which was adorable and I have to fight the urge to giggle at his nervousness. He reached my boy shorts, traced the waistband with his fingers and paused.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" He asked with genuine concern.

Even at that point I could have said no and he would have been understanding, he was just amazing like that, but the thought didn't even cross my mind. Still unable to find words I just nodded eagerly in agreement. In a flash I was out of my panties, Rob was out of his boxers and it was just flesh against flesh. I felt his hardness press again my leg as he kissed my chest again. I couldn't wait anymore. I grabbed his face in my hands and pulled him eye level with me.

"I want you **now**." I hissed at him.

He was more than happy to oblige, sliding into me effortlessly. I gasped as he filled me. If our kisses had been a fire then this was an inferno, burning hotter than anything I'd ever felt before. You would have thought that after waiting many months to truly be together the moment would have been rushed and hurried. It was anything but. We moved together gently and passionately. Savoring every bit of the experience.

As we climaxed in unison I fisted my hands into Rob's hair and crushed his face to mine, kissing him forcefully which only intensified the orgasmic waves pulsing through our bodies. He collapsed on my chest and I threw my arms around his neck, wanting to be that close to him forever.

When the aftershock subsided he straddled my body, playfully placing his hands on my shoulders to hold me down, but the look in his eyes was serious.

"Why can't you just admit you love me?" He asked. "Every single person who has seen us together can easily see the love between us. Do you really have to be the last person to see it? Do you need me to say it first? Because I do. I love you, Alli. I love you with everything I have."

"I love...being with you and I think you're absolutely wonderful, but I don't know how much more I can give you and I'm sorry for that. You really deserve someone who can openly love you back." I tried to look away to avoid seeing the hurt in his eyes, but his hands moved to my face and held it in his gaze.

"And what good would that do when I'm in love with you? Someone else can love me all they want, I'll still only want you. Besides, I know that you **can** love me. No, you **do** love me, you're just too stubborn to admit it. I can wait though, as long as it takes."

"Dammit Rob, why do you insist on wasting your time on me? Give up already!" I could feel my face getting red with frustration and my eyes filled with tears...because he was right and I knew it.

"Are you kidding me? I will never give up on you. Just look how far we've already come. Six months ago you wanted nothing to do with me and now here we are, laying here in post-coitus glow together." He smirked. "Why in the hell would I give up now, after all of this?"

I didn't have an answer and he knew that so he didn't wait for one. He laid down beside me, pulled me to his chest and wiped away my tears. Just as he always did.

* * *

**A/N:** This was the hardest chapter to write so far. First of all I'm shy so just writing sexual things was kind of embarassing, I blush just re-reading this! Then you have the fact that Rob isn't entirely a fictional character, he's a real person and I had to take that into account. Writing about sexual situations involving someone who is real, but you don't even know is just a little bit uncomfortable lol So I hope I did him justice and I hope you all like it.


	14. Chapter 14

I was able to sneak out of bed early in the morning without waking Rob, but I was in no mood for the self-reflection I knew the alone time would bring so I decided to make him breakfast. Scrambled eggs, one of very few things I could cook without sending a kitchen up in smoke.

I didn't notice Rob had gotten up until I felt his arms snake around my waist.

"You're cooking? Wow, you either really like me...or really hate me and you're trying to kill me." He laughed, but his face quickly grew serious. "Or maybe you regret the events of last night?"

"Since when are you so insecure?" I teased. "I assure you the actions of last night were wonderful and I don't regret them one bit, some of the things I said on the other hand..." I slid him a plate of eggs which he looked at hesitantly.

"Well they weren't entirely truthful," I continued. "While I do think you'd be better off finding someone...let's say easier to love, I wouldn't want that. And I don't want you to give up on me either, even though I'm pretty sure I'm a lost cause. I feel like I'm being very selfish taking your time and your love and offering so little in return."

"You offer plenty. I can't believe you still don't see that. You offer stability in my crazy life. You offer a confidant when I can trust so few. And of course, you're never affraid to offer an ego check when I need one." He smiled that crooked smile that melted me every time. "Those are things I haven't been able to find in anyone else and that alone makes you more than worthy of my time and love." He said, never looking away from my eyes. I could have kissed him then if he hadn't finally been brave enough to try the eggs.

My second week in London went much like the first, lots of just sitting talking to Rob. Only now love making was thrown in the mix on occasion...okay, on lots of occasions. I couldn't understand why he still wanted that physical intimacy when I couldn't even grant him the three little words he craved, but I sure as hell didn't complain. Every time was just as magical and earth moving as the first.

On the occasions we drug ourselves off of each other and out of the apartment we did some sight seeing. I'd been to London before, but not since I was a child so Rob felt it was his duty to show me the best of his hometown. He did a good job, I found it to be beautiful and charming, and more importantly not nearly as corrupt and fake as LA.

Rob did get recognized on one of our outings. We had been in a museum when a fan, a giddy little teenager, bound up to him and asked for a hug and a picture with him. He happily agreed, but the nervous tension was clearly visible in his face - at least it was to me. Luckily, that only happened once and I doubted the girl had realized how together Rob and I actually were. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was practically invisible to her. Totally fine by me.

On my last day in town I was finally about to get those cooking lessons from Rob's mom. I'd sent him out on pointless errands that would keep him busy all afternoon so she could come to the apartment and help me surprise him with dinner. She tried to keep it simple with steak and baked potatoes, a meal any man would love she claimed, but even that wasn't without incident. The steaks were slightly charred and I'd burnt my hand pretty badly trying to take the potatoes out of the oven sans oven mitt. But if it was the thought that counts I was still doing alright.

I thanked repeatedly and sent her on her way, promising this wouldn't be my last visit.

I set the little table for two, complete with flowers, candles and a nice bottle of wine. I smiled as it reminded me of our first dinner "date". Very fond memories of that night filled my head until I heard Rob at the door. I rushed to him and overwhelmed by the flood of memories I jumped right into his arms, locking my legs around his waist, and greeting him with a forceful kiss. He started to carry me to the bedroom, which was very tempting, but I had to insist he had his dinner before dessert so I released him.

"Oh no you don't, there's something in the kitchen you have to see first." I objected. He said nothing, just looked at me nervously, probably fearing there had been a fire. Then he saw the set up and a smile lit his face.

"You did this?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Your mom helped with the cooking, but yeah, everything else was all me." I grinned smugly.

"It's wonderful, thank you."

"Might not want to say that until after you taste the food." I laughed.

We ate in near silence. If Rob didn't like the meal he certainly never let on. After dinner we took our wine and commenced our nightly routine, sitting on the couch and talking. He about the annoyance of the tasks I had given to keep him occupied all day and I about my comical cooking experience. We didn't spend as much time talking as we normally would have. We were both too eager to get to the bedroom and truly make the most of our last night together.


	15. Chapter 15

The sound of Rob's alarm clock screeching in my ears woke me the next morning, much too early for my liking. I smacked it with with my hand to shut it up. Rob chuckled as his arms locked around me, silently willing me to stay in bed. I would have loved to, but we both knew I had a flight to catch. I groaned as I threw back the covers and the cool air hit my naked body. Everything about this morning was just tempting me to stay.

I dressed in my comfy jeans and a plain white t-shirt, my hair in a loose ponytail, just the right attire for travel. I gathered all my clothes from Rob's bedroom floor and mindlessly threw them into my suitcases. "Accidentally" leaving behind a camisole and panty set, you know just a little reminder for him. Once I was packed I cleaned the apartment, knowing it would be some time before it saw a woman's touch again, poor mistreated apartment.

Rob insisted on taking me to the airport himself. I dreaded it, knowing how emotional those kinds of goodbyes could be. Certainly not the kind of thing I looked forward to. We kept the conversation light on the way there, mostly talking about our respective up coming work projects. Seems we'd both be busy soon enough so hopefully that would ease the separation a bit.

We walked through the airport holding hands. There was still a good half hour before my flight was boarding and Rob wouldn't leave until my plane was in the air and he had spent every second possible with me. So we sat, his arm across my shoulder, stealing little gentle kisses whenever we could. I nuzzled into his chest and he tenderly stroked my back. God, leaving was going to be harder than I thought.

I stood when they called for my plane to start boarding, but Rob wouldn't let me walk away, not yet. He stood directly in front of me, only a few inches between us, holding both of my hands tightly in his.

"Alli," he said, his icy blue eyes staring right into mine intensely,"if you can say you love me right now I will gladly get on that plane and go with you."

I hung my head, already feeling the tears welling in my eyes. "You know I can't do that." I sighed regretfully. "I wish I could, I really do, but I need to be 1,000% of what I feel and what I want before I can say those words to you."

"I understand, but know this...I. Love. You." He pulled both of my hands to his mouth and softly kissed each of them.

"I'll miss you." I said, stepping up on my toes to kiss his lips, hugging him so tight I could have squeezed the life out of him.

I didn't want to let go, ever, but I had to and I had to now. Rob gently wiped his thumb under each of my eyes to collect the tears. He kissed my cheek and then I turned and walked again, not even looking back although I felt his gaze burning a hole through me. I couldn't look back. If I did I'd never be able to make myself leave.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The trip back home seemed to take much less time than the trip there. Funny how that works. Bright sunny LA was like another world when compared to foggy old London, which I had actually gotten used to. LA seemed a bit blinding to me now. I had to admit I hadn't really missed much about it, just Eden and my job.

I went home to my empty house which made me feel emptier myself. I checked my messages, all 150 of them. Guess that's what I get for going two weeks with no cell phone or email. The final message was from Eden:

_"I know you're home now. We have to go out ASAP. I__** need **__details!"_

Maybe tomorrow I thought to myself, far too jet-lagged for gossiping tonight. I drug my bags up to my room, might as well get unpacking out of the way. I opened the first bag to find a brunt CD and a framed picture. The picture was of Rob and I at the pub on New Year's Eve. We looked so happy and normal, just like any other couple in love. No one would have guessed by looking at that picture that I was so conflicted about giving my love to him. The picture made everything look so simple and uncomplicated. I wished things could be as easy as they looked. I placed the picture on the nightstand right next to my bed where it was sure to be the last thing I saw at night and the first thing I saw in the morning. The CD was unmarked so I took it straight to my CD player and popped it in. I was greeted by Rob's angelic voice singing my song. There were also several other classic love songs re-recorded by Rob himself. Songs like Fools Rush In, Wonderful Tonight and More Than Words.

That jerk! He hadn't done any of the pointless mundane tasks I'd assigned him the other day. He'd spent the day working on this surprise...while I had been working on my surprise for him. That wonderfully romantic jerk.

I crawled into bed, put the CD on repeat and let Rob's soothing voice serenade me to sleep. It was no match for his arms around me, but it was a decent enough substitute.


	16. Chapter 16

My first day back to work was so busy I hardly had time to breathe let alone think about anything. I'd never taken such a long vacation before and by the look of things I'd never be able to again. It was going to take me at least a month just to catch up. I spent the whole day just returning damn phone calls.

After work I was in desperate need of a drink so I had Eden meet me at a bar where we could dish before she exploded with anticipation. I gave her the play by play, still not mentioning Rob by name even though I suspected she knew who my mystery man was by now.

"Oh Alli, what are you doing to this poor boy? He's clearly smitten light crazy and you're glowing just talking about him. What gives? What's with the games?" she questioned.

"They're not games, Eden. I'm not playing around with him. I'm just not sure I'm ready to give that much of myself to someone."

"Well I hate to say this, but you need to decide and soon. You either have to give yourself or let him go. You can't just sit on the fence forever. I know you know that though and I'm only saying this because I love you and want you to be happy...and I really think being with him would make you happy. Hell, he's already making you happy." She looked at me lovingly and gave me a quick hug.

Ah Eden, my ever present voice of reason. She was right and I knew it. I had known it for some time, but hearing it from a third party point of view made it all the more real and that realization hit me like a sack of bricks.

I returned home to find a rose on my doorstep and it made my heart ache. I called Rob right away to thank him, for the rose, for the CD, for his patience, for everything.

"Hello?" he answered sleepily. Oh shit, I had forgotten about the time difference. I was getting home late, but it wasn't even 6am over there.

"Oh Rob, I'm so sorry to wake you. I just got home and I wanted to thank you."

"It's no problem..." He seemed to perk up quickly. "Thank me for what though?"

"Well for the rose...and the CD you made for me. It's great. I love it."

"I'm glad, I put a lot of thought into which songs to include."

"I know you did and it really means a lot to me...**you** really mean a lot to me, I want you to know that."

"And you'll mean more to me than you'll ever know, Alli. It also seems I have something to thank you for as well. You left your ... underthings and you really have no idea how fucking hot that is!"

I giggled and blushed slightly. "I hope you enjoy them in lue of me, but for now you should really get back to sleep, sweetie. I miss you and I'll talk to you soon."

"Not soon enough." he said reluctantly and hung up the phone.

Now my heart both ached and melted all at the same time. How was that even possible? I shouldn't have been surprised, my heart was doing all kinds of things I didn't know it was still capable of.

It was time to stop avoiding the task at hand, I had to decide if I was going to allow myself to love this guy or not. I wasn't stupid, I knew I loved him, it was the admission of that love that presented a problem. Admitting I loved him meant opening myself up completely, in a way I hadn't done for years. That openness would allow me to fully feel all the pleasures of our love, but it also left me vulnerable to the pain and hurt that too often accompanied love. That was what I was afraid of. The only love I had ever known had ended in devastating pain. I didn't think I could survive going through something like that again.

Was loving him with the risk of getting hurt? A few short months ago I hadn't thought anyone was worth that risk, but now my opinion on that was wavering. I couldn't deny the connection between us, the fire. That had to mean something. I refused to believe fate was so cruel that it would draw me to a man I shared this magnetic energy with only for me to get hurt in the end. No, that just wouldn't be right. Granted amazing sparks were no promise of a happy ending, but the chemistry, the fire, it was just too intense to ignore. It was worth the risk, he was worth the risk.

I made my choice. I would love him, openly and completely. I was ready for the risks and the rewards that came with them. All I could do was hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Better to be prepared than to be taken by surprise, right?

My revelation left my head spinning in a mess of emotions. Fear was a pretty strong one, nagging at me, insisting I was asking to for pain. I didn't know if I could handle being hurt by Rob, but I couldn't even think about that now. There was also so nervousness there, maybe I had played with him for too long and my choice was made too late. Couldn't bother with thinking about that either. But mostly I just felt excited and giddy. I, Alli Sterling, the ice queen and actor slayer was in love...and with an actor no less. How rich.


	17. Chapter 17

How to tell Rob of my revelation presented another issue. I suppose I could have have just blurted it out during one of our nightly phone calls, but that didn't seem like enough. He needed to hear this in person, face to face. The fact that I knew I wouldn't be seeing him for quite some time eased my nerves a bit. It gave me the time to get used to the idea of being in love...and also plenty of opportunities to change my mind before those three life altering words were said.

The impending life alteration was never far from my mind, but my days continued on in the same routine. I busted my ass at work, spent my evenings out with Eden, found a rose when I returned home and talked to Rob until I could no longer keep my eyes open. Repeat. For three months the routine when on undisturbed. The only change being each day got a little harder and I got a little lonelier. Sometimes I wondered if maybe I should just say the damn words, maybe he would come to me if I did. I contemplated it every night before hanging up the phone. I didn't do it though, that was a far too impersonal way to say the most intimate thing I would ever say.

The routine started to vary slightly when Rob began promoting Breaking Dawn. He was all over the place, doing photoshoots and conducting interviews. He called as often as possible, but it wasn't nightly anymore. To make up for that he started sending me postcards from every city he visited. I'd get a new one every couple days. The closer he got to me the more anxious I became. I knew he'd be in LA soon, our next meeting getting closer and closer by the day. It had to be soon. How long could this damn promotional tour last?

I was starting to believe it could in fact last infinity. Rob had been hopping all over the states for two months already and still hadn't made it to me. So close and yet so far away. Stupid cruel fate, constantly teasing me now. It was fair to say I was in a foul mood when I headed home. No promise of a phone call, nothing to look forward to. My mood worsened when I saw no rose on my step. There was something else though... a large shallow rectangular unmarked box.

I eyed the box apprehensively for a moment. _What was he up to now? Only one way to find out... _I carried the box inside and opened it cautiously. I slid the bow off, lifted the lid, shifted though a mess of paper and pulled out a dress. A simple yet stunning dress. It was silky, shiny and black. Sleeveless, corseted waist, with a fitted pencil skirt that would hit right below my knees. After admiring it for several minutes I noticed a card in the bottom of the box.

_Saw this and thought only of you. It's going to look amazing on you when you accompany me to my movie premiere tomorrow night. I think it'll look quite nice on your floor after that as well._

_See you __**very**__ soon, _

_Rob_

A wave of panic rushed over me. Apparently he had his own ideas about taking our relationship to the next level, the public level.


	18. Chapter 18

My loving Rob and letting him know it was one thing, sharing it with the world was another. It was something I hadn't even considered yet. My rational mind wanted nothing more than to call him and say thanks, but no thanks, but my heart wouldn't let me do that. I knew what this was, it was an "actions speak louder than words" deal. If I could do this then Rob would know I loved him even if the words were never spoken. And really if I intended to love him completely, and I did, I had to know it would go public at some point. We couldn't just hide away, loving each other but sheltered from the rest of humanity. That wouldn't work.

I was really going to put it all out there. Now not only was I opening myself up to Rob, but practically the whole world. Now if this was a mistake and ended in pain it would be a public event for all to see. If the willingness to go through that wasn't love then I don't know what is.

The day of premiere I took a personal day from work, my first day off since my trip to see Rob. I'd need the whole day to prepare myself, physically, mentally and emotionally. Honestly, I spent most of the day laying in bed, listening to Rob's sweet voice via the CD he made for me, completely lost in thought. I thought about when we first met and what I bitch I was to him. I thought about our first kiss, sitting at my piano, and how terrifying and great it was. I thought about how for so long I had wanted him to forget all about me and find someone else. That seemed downright insane now. How could I possibly go on without him in my life? Pondering than innocent question lead me to worries about the future, the fear that one day I might find out what living with out him would be like. That was the course of most relationships, right?

I really couldn't worry about that now. It was after noon and my ass was still in bed. I had no idea what time Rob would show up, as was his unannounced nature, so I had to make sure the masterpiece that was me would be ready in time. I had a little lunch and then got right to work. Showered, shaved, plucked, exfoliated, moisturized, it was like running a spa in my own bathroom. I curled my hair and pinned most of it up, allowing a few loose curls to fall around my face. I was never much for make-up so I kept it simple, a nice smokey eye and some tinted lip gloss.

The look really took shape when I slipped into the dress. Props to Rob, he did good. It did look pretty amazing. I completed the outfit with a pair of strappy black heels and that was that. I briefly checked myself out in the mirror and I couldn't help but stare at the girl I was becoming, a complete opposite of who I thought I was.

Thankfully, Rob showed up only minutes later. No time for freaking out or second guessing myself. This was it. My hands shook as I opened the door. I was greeted with a positively dashing Rob. He was dressed in all black as well. Black suit, black button-down shirt, black tie, all amazing on him. His bronze hair was a perfect mess, as always. Of course, I wouldn't expect anything less, it was his signature Edward Cullen hair hair after all.

It had been almost six months since we'd seen each other. Just seeing him before me now warmed my whole body. I would have leaped right into his arms if my dress would have allowed it. I had to settle for the next best thing, he crushed me tightly to his chest and breathed me in. I squeezed back as hard as I could, I'd never felt such a strong need to be close to someone. He released me just enough to take my face in his hands and tilt it up towards his. His lips began to move against mine and suddenly my knees felt weak. I put my arms around his neck, just in case my legs decided to give out on me, and deepened our kiss. We were both breathless when Rob finally pulled away to speak.

"You are pure torture, you know that, right?" He gasp, trying to steady his breathing.

"Just trying to welcome you properly." I winked.

"You're doing a fine job, I feel so welcome I'd rather not leave."

"Sounds great!" I pulled him through the door by his tie.

"Oh no you don't," He stiffened his stance, "we're already running late and if I bail on this premiere Summit will castrate me so I'd be of no use to you anyways." He flashed that crooked smile. Damn that smile.

"Can't have that. Better get going!" I pushed him back out the door and we were on our way.


	19. Chapter 19

Rob shied away from the extravagance of limos, we were driven instead in a very nice town-car. I didn't care what we were in as long as there were drinks and luckily there was chilled champagne waiting in the backseat. I was no lush, but I needed something to calm my nerves. It had been a very long time since I played the part of arm candy to an actor at an event such as this. I knew it was different with Rob, but no one else did. To them I would be the same Hollywood tart I had been years ago. I had to convince myself it didn't matter what they thought of me or what they'd print about me tomorrow. I was doing this for Rob, for us, and that was all that mattered.

We were still a block away when I started to hear the screaming fans. Fuck, what had I gotten myself into? Those girls were going to rip me to shreds. I was so distracted by my own thoughts that I jumped when Rob placed his hand on my knee.

"Pretty wild, isn't it?" He was trying to be calming, but he chuckled nervously himself.

"I guess that's one way to put it. I'd go with terrifying personally."

"You're right, it can be scary, but having you here with me makes it so much more bearable." He smiled genuinely and I knew he really meant that.

As we pulled up to the read carpet my heart was beating so loudly that it had to be audible even from outside of my body. Rob slid out of the car first and shrill screams pierced my ears. On the plus side, it was so loud I couldn't hear my own thought anymore. They would have only gotten in the way at this point. Then Rob reached back into the car and put his hand out to me. I placed my trembling hand in his, making me feel safe, and slid out of the backseat.

Flashes started going off rapidly, the person behind each of them yelling at Rob and I to look their way. Rob pulled me close to him, putting his left arm around my waist, and we began to casually stroll. He stopped several times to sign random things for fans, but never released his grip on me. Most of the fans were so caught up in just being near him that they barely noticed me, but I did catch a few glares. That made me feel oddly guilty, like in some way I was taking something, or rather someone, that belong to them. But that was silly, they didn't even know Rob and they certainly have no ownership of him. I did and smiled at the thought.

Then we got to the press section and they were much more aware of me. They all yelled questions at Rob, as if he could hear any of them over there others. He did stop for one interview, but that was only because the reporter practically jumped in front of us, blocking us from going any farther.

"So Rob, everyone is dying to know about your date, the lovely yet usually reclusive Alli Sterling..." the bubbly blonde said as she shoved a microphone at his face.

"Well," he smiled down at me, "she's my real-life Bella so I thought it fitting to bring her and show her off tonight."

I froze, stunned. What in the hell was he doing? He just compared me to the character that all these screaming girls dreamt of being. He was committing PR suicide right here in front of millions!

The reporter kept digging, "A real life Bella? That sounds pretty serious, have you two been dating long?"

"Oh yeah, nearly a year so it's pretty serious." He said nonchalantly as he smiled widely and we walked away.

Clearly he had no idea that he was killing his career. Young actors in his position didn't alienate fans by confirming relationships. They just didn't. It was unheard of and rightfully so, why would someone like him, so young and good looking and popular, want to seemed tied down? It'd made no sense.

He seemed giddy with joy as we entered the packed theater. I couldn't even begin to put my head around his thought process so I didn't even bother trying. I just tried my best to relax and enjoy the movie. That proved to be impossible, between Rob sneaking playful grabs at me and my obsessing over what he had said to that peppy little reporter my mind was a thousand miles away from some vampire chick flick.

"We need to get out of here." Rob whispered in my ear, instantly derailing and train of thought. "If we wait until the movie is over there will be a mob and we'll never get out." He gently squeezed my hand and lead me away. Good thing I didn't pay enough attention to care how it ended.

The crowd outside had dissipated considerably, but there were still plenty of people screaming for Rob as we exited. Again, he quickly and graciously signed a few things, still never letting go of me, before we were safely back in the awaiting town-car. He smiled at me nervously as he pushed a loose curl out of my face. He took my hands in his, his blue-gray eyes starring deeply into mine.

"Alli, I was going to wait until later to tell you this, but...I'm moving to LA." His expression became timid as he gauged my response.

"What? Why?" I was excited, but the words had come out sounding more like shock. In all fairness there was a little of that too. I thought we had an agreement, he would come when I said the words, but I can't said the words yet and he already had this planned out. So yeah, I was taken a little by surprise.

"Well to be with you, silly." He leaned in and kissed me softly, only for a moment, then he leaned back and chuckled. "And after that little stunt I pulled on the red carpet I'll probably be in the market for a new agent too. Maybe you could help me out there?" His eyes widened, looking hopeful.

"Oh Mr. Pattinson, I'm sorry, but there is no way I can represent you." I looked at him very seriously. "It just wouldn't be fair to my other clients. Not when I'm so insanely and ridiculously in love with you."

His jaw dropped as complete shock hit him. I threw one leg over his lap and straddled him before he even got his sense back. I ran both my hands through his hair and down to his neck before pulling him into a passionate kiss. It was then that I realized how thank thankful I was for the heavily tinted town-car windows because I knew at that moment we wouldn't make it home before my dress came off.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I woke up the next morning sore and not remembering much of the night before. I did remember riding Rob in that car like it was my job. I remembered barely making it in the house before he took me again on my couch...and my kitchen counter...and then the stairs...and finally several times in my bed. No wonder I was sore, and my lapse in memory had to be due to him literally fucking me senseless. I got a huge grin on my face as all the senselessness started to came back to me.

He was sound asleep next to me, looking very misleadingly like an angel. So beautiful and peaceful. I softly kissed his lips, then his nose and his cheek and his forehead. He barely moved, just lifted the corners of his mouth slightly.

"I love you." I whispered, my lips brushing against his ear.

That brought out the full smile, the one that melted me to the core.

"You know, I'll never get tired of hearing that." He sighed happily and pulled me tightly to his body.

* * *

**A/N: There you have it folks. That's it, my first "published" work. Really my first completed work, and it only took me a month to write so go me. I'm pretty pleased with it and I hope you all enjoyed reading it. Those of you have now would be the time for reviews ;)**


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